Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Cinema Terrible: 24 Hour B-Movie Marathon 2014 (Part 2)

By now, we're almost into hour 6 of our marathon. Let's keep the pace up.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Dir. Neveldine/Taylor)

I was so pumped for this movie for two reasons. The first, that Nicolas "The Cage" Cage was starring and that it was directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, both of whom directed Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage under the name of Neveldine/Taylor. For those of you who don't know, Crank 2 is one of my favorite action movies, and Ghost Rider: SoV follows suite in terms of cinematography and (almost) keeps up in pacing. Spirit of Vengeance is way better than the first Ghost Rider, because of how reserved the original was. With Neveldine/Taylor at the helm, this sequel has the direction it needs to be a schlockfest of a movie. Ghost Rider: SoV has got to be one of the better movies we saw over the marathon.

The Drinking Game

1. Anytime anyone says "Devil" or "Rider".
2. Anytime Nic Cage turns into the Ghost Rider.
3. Anytime Ghost Rider ghost rides a new ride.
4. Finish your drink during the greatest interrogation scene of all time.

Superbabies: Baby Geniueses 2 (Dir. Bob Clark)

I can't tell you what happened in this movie. Not that it was too hard to follow or that we weren't paying attention, but because we spent this hour and a half mourning Jon Voight's career. Voight, known for a few little movies called Heat, Mission: Impossible, and Deliverance, officially hit rock bottom here. I don't know if it was part of a contract that he had to act in this movie, but this movie is just dreadful. I would say that Superbabies is on par with Foodfight! in how painful it is to watch. While Foodfight! had it's moments that stood out, and had terrible animation to make fun of, this movie had almost no redeeeming qualities. You've been warned.

The Drinking Game

1. Drink so that you only see the bottom of the glass instead of subjecting your eyes to this horror. Refill your drink whenever you can see the movie through the bottom of the glass.

Tammy and the T-Rex (Dir. Stewart Raffill)

If there's any movie to cleanse your pallet after Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, it's Tammy and the T-Rex. Starring none other than Denise Richards and the late Paul Walker. This movie is a cinematic anomaly. I have no idea why this was made, or who thought it was a good idea. All I do know is, this movie is the biggest mishmash of ideas, themes, and tones, and it's amazing. If you've ever wanted to see Denise Richards fall in love with a giant mechanical T-Rex that's controlled by Paul Walker's brain (and let's face it, who doesn't), then you need to see this movie right now. No, seriously. You can. Right here, right now.

The Drinking Game

1. Drink every time you question a creative decision made by the writers or director.
2. Drink every time you see the T-Rex's floppy sock arms slide in on screen.
3. Finish all you alcohol once the credits start rolling, because holy Christ in heaven, what the fuck is that last scene?!

That's all for now, folks! Jeremy, I'll see you last Sunday.


1 comment:

  1. Good lord! You certainly outdid yourself with these choices. I haven't heard of a single one.

    LOVE the drinking game suggestions too :)